What happened

We thought both babies had gone so when I found out one was still there and still growing it was the most amazing feeling. I didn't understand how but we had a miracle and we had hope. To be pregnant and to have hope was so special. When I found out the pregnancy was ectopic the doctors weren't certain if the baby was in my fallopian tube, or if it was just outside or on my ovary. Of course I became fixated on how that could happen. The remaining left tube had been blocked for over twenty years, how could an embryo get through it? The baby was growing inside my tube though and now I think I understand how. Sunnyboy said to me "The baby must've been holding on to you really tight to stay and not get washed away by the blood." so we've been looking at diagrams of the female reproductive system. I'd wanted to be looking at pictures of a growing baby not pictures of an empty uterus. I understand how but I don't understand why.

Day 31 and after

I went for an ultrasound scan at on Friday, day 31 (6 weeks and 3 days pregnant), and although baby was still growing the pregnancy was ectopic. I was referred by the doctor at Bourn Hall to the early pregnancy unit so we drove there from the clinic, then Sunnyboy went to stay with his grandparents and I was admitted to hospital that evening. Surgery was on Sunday morning. It hurt so much saying goodbye to baby and it hurts so much that baby is gone. I'm so sad to have lost our little fighter.


View from the window at Bourn Hall, Friday 2nd December

For our baby (our little fighter)

We love you little fighter and we always will. Goodbye little one and thank you for making me smile.

A moment from November